Over the last six months, or so, such a lot has happened that at times I just haven't seemed to have the time to catch my breath.However, over the last three months, I've been noticing some rather alarming symptoms and thoughts developing. I seem to feel tired all the time, my heart seems to race, I can feel my head throbbing in time with my heartbeat, my tinnitus is louder than ever before and I get really anxious prior to going to work. I feel generally run down and listless. I've not been for many of my usual walks or bike rides, I've not done much in the garden, and I'm putting on weight.
The other week, I was talking to one of my ex-colleagues from my previous place of work which has now closed down, and she was describing similar symptoms and feelings and I've come to the conclusion that I am depressed as a result of losing my job. I miss the people I worked alongside, many of whom became friends, and a place where, for five years, I was very happy - poorly paid, but happy. It had affected this colleague to the point where she felt the need to consult a counsellor. There is a great sense of mourning, which, on the face of it seems ridiculous, but is non-the-less real. There have been times when I felt I had lost my extended family.
Leaving there was a big wrench, and although I was lucky enough to be able to go straight into a new job, the stress of the administration and redundancy seems to have caught up with me. Most days, I feel anxious about going into work - though once I'm there, everything seems to go OK, - and I feel snappy and have to work very hard at being as human as possible.
I'm not sure where I go from here, but I have made an appointment with the doctor, and perhaps we can work out a strategy - I don't really want to take tablets if at all possible. I need to feel re-energised and positive again. Find the motivation to get off my backside and start being active. But most of all, I want to feel good about going into work and living my life!
