Saturday, April 26, 2008

Not Feeling Good!

Over the last six months, or so, such a lot has happened that at times I just haven't seemed to have the time to catch my breath.

However, over the last three months, I've been noticing some rather alarming symptoms and thoughts developing. I seem to feel tired all the time, my heart seems to race, I can feel my head throbbing in time with my heartbeat, my tinnitus is louder than ever before and I get really anxious prior to going to work. I feel generally run down and listless. I've not been for many of my usual walks or bike rides, I've not done much in the garden, and I'm putting on weight.

The other week, I was talking to one of my ex-colleagues from my previous place of work which has now closed down, and she was describing similar symptoms and feelings and I've come to the conclusion that I am depressed as a result of losing my job. I miss the people I worked alongside, many of whom became friends, and a place where, for five years, I was very happy - poorly paid, but happy. It had affected this colleague to the point where she felt the need to consult a counsellor. There is a great sense of mourning, which, on the face of it seems ridiculous, but is non-the-less real. There have been times when I felt I had lost my extended family.

Leaving there was a big wrench, and although I was lucky enough to be able to go straight into a new job, the stress of the administration and redundancy seems to have caught up with me. Most days, I feel anxious about going into work - though once I'm there, everything seems to go OK, - and I feel snappy and have to work very hard at being as human as possible.

I'm not sure where I go from here, but I have made an appointment with the doctor, and perhaps we can work out a strategy - I don't really want to take tablets if at all possible. I need to feel re-energised and positive again. Find the motivation to get off my backside and start being active. But most of all, I want to feel good about going into work and living my life!


Jen said...

How's it going? Hope you're feeling a little better - at least.

Jay said...

Sounds like high blood pressure. Are you okay? What did you find out?

sandegaye said...

Life is a process.. sending you many healing vibes.

Andrew said...

Mark, you don't know me, but I wish you the best and will do my best to lift you up in prayer. I am a longtime fan of your blog and it has often brought me great comfort to know that there are spirits as gentle and kind as yours in the world.

Jen said...

wow - what a nice post from andrew!

how are you doing?

Magpie Val said...

Hi Mark,
My fiance has had similar symptoms, he is undergoing tests for diabetes at the moment. Maybe the doc will suspect you too. Diabetes can cause high blood pressure as well. That said, you sound a bit depressed too, understandably so. Let us know how you get on at the doc's.
Best wishes