Monday, August 22, 2005

Flat Pack Furniture

We bought a computer/study desk for Bethen today. A self-assembly, flat-pack desk that has a slide away top for a key-board. Nice looking thing, grey powder-coated frame with tempered glass for the work tops. I have no problem with flat-pack furniture. Most of our furniture came in a box of one size or another and once assembled, looks pretty good. Our house could almost be used by IKEA to photograph their catalogue. So why the blog?

Well, the one thing that frustrates me even more than Tony Blair and George Bush are the diagrams that are supposed to pass for instructions. After many years of experience, I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that there is a company that has the contract to do all the diagrams for all flat-pack companies. The main criteria for getting that contract must be a promise never to look at the finished article or attempt to put the item together. If they did do that, there might be a danger that the diagrams and instructions could be understood and the furniture assembled in quick time and without the use of "old-English" words to aid the process. No, today I was confronted with approximately 40 different pieces to put together, and 2 exploded diagrams of how they are supposed to fit together. Most of the items in the diagram look nothing like the real thing, so one hour later, I was taking the thing apart again to swap 2 pieces over, for the 3rd or 4th time. Fortunately, the children, who see me as someone full of sweetness and light, with never a cross word, would have been shocked with some of the phrases I used. I wasn't even aware that I knew some of those words!

Anyway, it's done now and she had better bl***y appreciate it!


JC said...

Ah, this one made me laugh. Now I have to ask, did you read the instructions before you started, or only as you went along? There seem to be folks who carefully read them and others that just start right in. I would love to see your place as I just love IKEA! Thanks for the blog visit. I will be back.

Cherokee Princess said...

That is hilarious. Ah we all have those moments don't we? God must have a sense of humor.

Mark said...

JC, if there had been any instructions that made sense - I'd have read them, but that is no guarantee of success. The instructions for this project had a spanner, labeled as an allen key, and the allen key labelled as a spanner. Not a good start.

It reminds me of the company I work for. One item they supply are toilet cleaning products, and in one advert, they had the "Before" & "After" pictures the wrong way round. Didn't make a lot of sales on that advert!